Now Playing Tracks

chevy-raised-jack-daniels-fed:

merrymaudlin:

mercurykiss:

thugburrito:

My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%

NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
So a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.

It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.

An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.

So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.

My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.

I am clearly not fully utilizing my pizza delivery person…..

What’s next pizza delivery hitmen

letstalkaboutdisney:

ben-wisehart:

IF YOU SAY YOU LIKE READING BUT YOU CHOOSE TO BUY A KINDLE OVER AN ACTUAL PHYSICAL BOOK THEN I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO COME INTO YOUR HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND WAKE YOU UP AND HUG YOU SO HARD AND MAYBE WE CAN PAINT OUR NAILS TOGETHER AND TALK ABOUT OUR FAVOURITE BOOKS BECAUSE READING IS A WONDERFUL THING AND THE MAGIC IS IN THE WORDS SO WE SHOULD NEVER LIMIT OURSELVES BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE THINK THEY’RE BETTER THAN YOU FOR THE WAY THEY CHOOSE TO READ

the plot twist

artisjustfrozenmusic:

feralblonde:

thecorinediaries:

prewetts:

jordanleeemerson:

secretgaygent:

rnints:

imagine if girls used the same style of joke to degrade men like “cool story bro now go chop some lumber”

GO CHOP SOME LUMBER

"what r u doing out of the garage go fix my car"

"Don’t you have something to fix somewhere."

get some duct tape & fix that attitude

Don’t you have some jars you could be opening?

To Tumblr, Love Pixel Union